Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Salmagundi

Fluff Post Alert! Fluff Post Alert!

So we were reading Mr. Wilson's attempt to solve problems for Sutter, and wouldn't you know it, we were swept up in a torrent of tangential thought.

The Flames, dear Reader, are chock full of depth.

Now wait. Don't smash your keyboards into pieces just yet. Hear us out. Put the gun down.

For the first time in a long time, the Flames have 4 NHL caliber centres on the team. Langkow, Stajan, Olli, and Conroy and Backlund make 4 (.5 + .5). They aren’t the biggest group of centres in the league, but they aren’t necessarily small. Now, they aren’t physical, they don’t score, they don’t rack up a ton of assists…wait, what were we talking about?
But in all seriousness, the team has depth down the middle. It may not be the highest quality group, but it’s an NHL one.

The wingers? Again, the group consists of NHL caliber players. Iggy, Bourque, Hagman, Glencross are clearly the best of the group, but the team also ‘boasts’ PK specialist Tanguay, noted PP king Kotalik, and a Holstrom clone in David Moss. No AHLers on that list. Just squint hard enough.

Defence has always been a Calgary Flame hallmark. Ok, ok, it wasn’t when the team was killing suckers in the 80’s, and it wasn’t when the team was getting killed by suckers in the 90’s, but now it is. And what a defence we have. Overpaid Jay Blow, Overpaid Corey Sarsuck, Overpaid Steve Staiowful. Old Reggie, Young Gio, and a host of first round draft picks waiting in the wings. The D is stacked like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The team has depth. Who knows, we may even crack 8th place.

We Don’t Like Jesse Either

Dome Beers is ten million basis points behind Nik Lewis and his recent declaration that yes, it is indeed his locker room, and no, he won’t be welcoming quitters back.

Jesse Newman was drafted in the first round. He rewarded the Stamps by showing up fat and out of shape. His first year with the team he got ‘injured’ in time for training camp, and healed when it was over. Good timing, Jesse.

You don’t think the team noticed that act?

This season, the cat retires 2 minutes before kickoff of the first game of the season. Why? Personal reasons, Fat Newman claimed.

Personal reasons? Is wanting to go back home for the summer so you can get drunk and high with your friends (allegedly) constitute ‘personal reasons’? We guess it could. Does it constitute a legitimate reason to retire? Hey, if they can get that poison off the roster, then by all means, Jesse, retire.

So Jesse retires, and the team ducktapes an offensive line together, and lo and behold, the team is off to a 7-1 start. Meanwhile, back in the crack den, Jesse needs a job, so Jesse is coming back. What, this guy couldn’t crack the bouncer roster at his local bar?

Anyways, when Jesse gets back, he gets the welcome he deserves, vocalized for all to see in the words and tweets of Nik Lewis. And the media, who constantly pines about how athletes never give them anything, jumps all over Nik.

What?

Let’s recap. Jesse Newman is a name because he is non-import, period. He isn’t Alan Faneca. Christ, he isn’t even Dan Comiskey. He is lucky to be born in this country, and lucky to have a big frame. He doesn’t seem to like football. He doesn’t seem to respect his teammates. By retiring 2 seconds before kickoff, he showed he doesn’t respect the organization, or Huff.

And the media is mad that Nik Lewis is calling a spade a spade? Child please. Nik Lewis bleeds red and white. Nik has embraced this city, this team, his role on it, everything. You would think the media would be able to correctly identify who the good guy was in this scenario.

Trade the guy to Toronto.

Ilya

This story on TSN is funny to us for the following line: "One NHL general manager doesn't believe for a second the league will allow this one to pass either, stating Lou Lamoriello, the Devils and Ilya Kovalchuk are simply trying to "disguise circumvention," adding, "trying to hide the crime, makes this even worse."

Dreger, please. When Brian Burke opens his mouth, you should just shut your ears.

Anyways, this shit is stupid. Every contract signed that is over 5 years in length is obviously designed to circumvent the cap. Thats why they sign long term contracts. To me, a GM commenting about the deal another GM signed a player to is puke inducing.

The other thing we would like to point out is this: A CBA that is so poorly constructed that the biggest name free agent out there on the market cannot sign a contract has to be killed, or at least changed dramatically.

Seriously Garry, it took you two years to write this abortion of a document? That's what you produce when you have 700+ days to work on it? Our minds reel at the incompetence.

Speaking of fuck ups, we haven't updated the Dome Girls in like two weeks. We are going to fix that. Apologies to all around.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

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