Friday, July 9, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means just one thing: Time to put away the rape-van, and bring out the rape -chuckwagon.

What? Huh? That's right! I had forgotten. I had forgotten that it was time to hand out the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC)!

So what happened this week? Well, the most recent, semi-big news is that Lebron James is a cowardly traitor who will join Dwayne Wade and RuPaul down in Miami. Cleveland, it's not your fault Delonte West fucked Lebrons mom. Gross. What else happened? CNN's Middle Eastern News Editor got fired today because she is down with the killers in Hezbollah. Most trusted name in news. eh? Not so much. Water was wet this week, and Lindsay Lohan did something skanky and got sent to jail. The story of the week, though, is the following. Some soccer player from Brazil had his mistress kidnapped, killed, and then fed her body to a bunch of dogs. And Christie Chorley thinks she has it tough.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Jose Neto!

You know, that Brazilian guy who was blinded by some career criminal our broken justice system had allowed back on the streets? Yeah, that guy.

He was recently back in the news because he is getting married. His reappearance got us thinking about what this guy could do to cash in on his goodwill.

Here's a free idea for Global (because channel 3 is communist): Give Neto a late night talk show. Hire him some local band, have him rip off Johnny, and go down to some local synagogue to find him some joke writers. It's easy. Then you bring on a few local guests, and viola, cheap ratings gold.

His first guest could even be the guy who shot him, as he is no doubt back on the streets by now. Imagine the sizzle.

But if a life in the limelight doesn't suit him, he could always go and become a soccer ref. ZING!

It's 30 degrees outside?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.