Friday, June 25, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means one thing: vandalism!

Huh? What? Man, that's right. It is also that time of the week when we hand out the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Who won this week? Well, let us tell you, it was a hard decision. Why? Because shit was happening, that's why. Domebeer favourite Rod Blagojevich fingered the President. Hot. We pull for Blago here at Domebeers, so we hope he can create enough discomfort for the Administration that the trial just sort of...stops. You know who else makes the President uncomfortable? Gen. McChrystal, overseer of the U.S. military operations in Afghanistan. Something about weakness breeding contempt comes to mind. Sticking with the politicians, we had the oddly discomforting revelations that Al Gore liked to get his dry hump on. Gross, dude, fucking gross. The DOW has had it's head above 10,000, but we think that ends, again, today. Nothing drastic, the thing will probably remain sideways. You know, because it's still leaking. A guy went on the Kudlow Report a few weeks back, and he said the Russians had this happen to them back in the Soviet days, and they set a nuke off in the leak, and it vaporized all the resource, stopping the leak. Why won't America do anything like that? Greed makes this President look pretty ugly. Oh yeah, soccer continued to bore us. Anyways, those are your nominations, people. As always, picking a winner was a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Jose Antonio Bautista.


She knows he rocks a big bat.

Listen here people, at this list of teams Jose Bautista wasn't good enough to play for: the Pittsburgh Pirates, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, the Baltimore Orioles, and the Kansas City Royals. None of those teams, save the Devil Rays, have been to the playoffs in the last 10 years. Hmmm...

Jose Bautista is a beast. This year his OPS+ is 147. Do you know what A-Fraud's is? 125. For the non-sabermetric reading readers out there, that means that Alex Roidriguez is Robyn to Jose's Batman. No homo.

You know how many HR's this guy has? 20. Know how many PA's he has? 299. That's basically a home run every 14 PA's, which is in fucking Babe Ruth territory. Aaron Hill, are you listening?

And that is another thing. Aaron Hill, blue chip prospect, chocker. Jose Bautista is picking up the slack left by Lind and Hill, the blue chips (not to even mention that bust Snider), and he isn't even complaining about it. Why would he? He loves playing the hero, and if those two 'Blue Jay' cornerstones have too small testicles to do that, Jose will.

What other shit about Jose can we dap? Uhh, have you seen the cat swing? Now that The Kid has retired, the two prettiest swings in baseball belong to Carlos Pena and Jose Bautista. Eat it, Ichiro.

Oh yeah, he also only has hit into 4 double plays. For a guy who hits in an RBI position, that's fucking outstanding. What's even more outstanding is he has been hit by pitches (bitches) 5 times. He has been hit with more pitches than he has grounded into double plays. Awesome.

He also only makes 2.5 million dollars, Vernon Wells.

For throwing it the fuck down, taking no prisoners at the plate, giving balls nightmares and pitchers therapy sessions, Jose Bautista wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.
...

TRADE FOR SPEZZA!!!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

3 comments:

  1. "Now that The Kid has retired, the two prettiest swings in baseball belong to Carlos Pena and Jose Bautista"

    How many domebeers do you drink before you write this?

    ReplyDelete
  2. nicest looking uppercut swings maybe.

    Hey DB, ever head of Albert Pujols? He has a pretty swing.

    ReplyDelete