Friday, June 11, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means one thing: sweet, sweet alcohol.

What? Oh yeah, it is also that time of the week when we award the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC!).

So what happened this week? Not too much, actually. The DOW got above 10,000, which was nice. There are a lot of shorts in the market, so we don't expect it to last, but hey, thanks for coming out, DOW. Uhh, it's still leaking! Still. Whatever Obama, it isn't our re-election hopes that are on the line. There is one good thing to come out of this, and that is the death of British Petroleum. That company is pure motherfucking evil, and a big reason we have crazy terrorist petrol states in the world. This company propped up the wahabist 100 years ago and the world has been living with that decision ever since. Couldn't have happened to better people. Oh, Steve Stone verbally murdered Lou Piniella, which was nice. Go Cubs! We were going to talk about puke filled condoms getting thrown at people, but Deadspin beat us to it. As always, choosing the winner was a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Buckshot.



Yeah, bitches. Motherfucking Buckshot.

Why? Because he is motherfucking Buckshot, that's why.

Do you have any idea as to exactly how bad ass Buckshot is? We bet you have no fucking clue. Well, you all know how bad ass Clint Eastwood is, right? Who do you think taught that guy how to be a cowboy? Yeah, that's right, Buckshot did. Who do you think taught Chill Wills, Ray Whitley, Glenn Ford, or Billy Anderson how to cowboy up? Again, B-Shot in house. Who do you think taught The Duke?

Well, actually, The Duke was born The Duke. Buckshot can't claim credit for teaching him the cowboy ways. Notwithstanding this fact, Buckshot still has a very successful record of turning around floundering organizations. As the legend goes, back in 1967 the CRTC sent down an edict forcing Canadian based broadcast stations to show more Canadian made shows. As the local CFCN had no such programs, Buckshot, then a mortal camera man, was commanded by destiny to become the star of what would become the longest running Canadian children's show in the history of universe, completely saving CFCN's bacon in the process.

Plus, Buckshot can work with people. As you all are no doubt well aware, Buckshot was not a one man show. Buckshot shared the rock. He had weapons like Bennny the Bear, Clyde the Owl, and whatever that dog was named, at his disposal, and he made use of them. Buckshot was a very unselfish player, but let's not confuse that. When the time called for it, Buckshot would turn into cold blooded killer, and just dominate. He did not lack for confidence.

And as if that wasn't enough, he also had this crazy ability to relate to the youth. His show ran from 1967 - 1997. That is three decades of youth getting Buckshot straight to the dome. His audience share was strong throughout his tenure. He kept the kids captivated. Really, it's hard to think of anybody with the same type of ability to speak through the ages, to each different generation. Homer, maybe.

Wow. Let's go through the checklist. Albertan? Check. Cowboy? Check. Works well with others? Check. Relates to the youth? Double check. History of turning around organizations? Checkmate.

Domebeer-aholics, Darryl Sutter, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we present to you the next assistant GM of the Calgary Flames.

 Buckshot.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

5 comments:

  1. i was totally gonna write about how i didn't know you could give the RTPIC award to a dead guy, so imagine my surprise when i googled around a bit only to find that ron barge is still alive (at least, he was in 2007):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iZwifOGO3o

    you should watch your back, AZR, cause i bet benny the bear's PISSED about being overlooked.

    ps: i think you'll like my post today.

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  2. I was always more of a Bob Homme fan. I mean, he was HUGE and could like, crush you and grind your bones into flour (a la Jack and the Beanstalk). But he would never, ever do it of course, 'cause he's friendly. And don't even get me started about his mad skillz on the recorder.

    Plus, he has a giant, featherless, talking chicken hanging in a bag on his wall. Based on the scale of the rocking chair by the hearth, Rusty the Rooster is approx. 25 feet tall with a 50 foot wingspan. That's almost enough bbq chicken to feed Messier's brood of illegitimate kids.

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  3. The friendly giant is fucken dead. B-shot still rides, so dont slight his RTPIC!

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  4. Buckshot! Very Calgary. Good job DB!

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