Friday, June 11, 2010
Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award
It's Friday, and that means one thing: sweet, sweet alcohol.
What? Oh yeah, it is also that time of the week when we award the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC!).
So what happened this week? Not too much, actually. The DOW got above 10,000, which was nice. There are a lot of shorts in the market, so we don't expect it to last, but hey, thanks for coming out, DOW. Uhh, it's still leaking! Still. Whatever Obama, it isn't our re-election hopes that are on the line. There is one good thing to come out of this, and that is the death of British Petroleum. That company is pure motherfucking evil, and a big reason we have crazy terrorist petrol states in the world. This company propped up the wahabist 100 years ago and the world has been living with that decision ever since. Couldn't have happened to better people. Oh, Steve Stone verbally murdered Lou Piniella, which was nice. Go Cubs! We were going to talk about puke filled condoms getting thrown at people, but Deadspin beat us to it. As always, choosing the winner was a tough choice.
This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Buckshot.
Yeah, bitches. Motherfucking Buckshot.
Why? Because he is motherfucking Buckshot, that's why.
Do you have any idea as to exactly how bad ass Buckshot is? We bet you have no fucking clue. Well, you all know how bad ass Clint Eastwood is, right? Who do you think taught that guy how to be a cowboy? Yeah, that's right, Buckshot did. Who do you think taught Chill Wills, Ray Whitley, Glenn Ford, or Billy Anderson how to cowboy up? Again, B-Shot in house. Who do you think taught The Duke?
Well, actually, The Duke was born The Duke. Buckshot can't claim credit for teaching him the cowboy ways. Notwithstanding this fact, Buckshot still has a very successful record of turning around floundering organizations. As the legend goes, back in 1967 the CRTC sent down an edict forcing Canadian based broadcast stations to show more Canadian made shows. As the local CFCN had no such programs, Buckshot, then a mortal camera man, was commanded by destiny to become the star of what would become the longest running Canadian children's show in the history of universe, completely saving CFCN's bacon in the process.
Plus, Buckshot can work with people. As you all are no doubt well aware, Buckshot was not a one man show. Buckshot shared the rock. He had weapons like Bennny the Bear, Clyde the Owl, and whatever that dog was named, at his disposal, and he made use of them. Buckshot was a very unselfish player, but let's not confuse that. When the time called for it, Buckshot would turn into cold blooded killer, and just dominate. He did not lack for confidence.
And as if that wasn't enough, he also had this crazy ability to relate to the youth. His show ran from 1967 - 1997. That is three decades of youth getting Buckshot straight to the dome. His audience share was strong throughout his tenure. He kept the kids captivated. Really, it's hard to think of anybody with the same type of ability to speak through the ages, to each different generation. Homer, maybe.
Wow. Let's go through the checklist. Albertan? Check. Cowboy? Check. Works well with others? Check. Relates to the youth? Double check. History of turning around organizations? Checkmate.
Domebeer-aholics, Darryl Sutter, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we present to you the next assistant GM of the Calgary Flames.
Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.