Friday, June 4, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award


It's Friday, and that means just one thing: We nominated our DJ for president.

Huh? Man, that's right. It is also time to present this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (The RTPIC!).

What a wild week we had, eh? Lot's of saber rattling and crazy goings ons. Is the world lurching towards WW3? Probably, but we doubt it will be soon. We feel a lot of this stuff like we view investing; when there is blood in the streets, you gotta be buying. In other words, we are contrarians. If North Korea is threatening to blow up the world, it probably means that they aren't capable of it just quite yet. Although we could be wrong; the US Navy and the South Korean Navy are going to be holding war games in the Korean waters. Speaking of militarized waterways, a bunch of terrorist wannabe's tried to smuggle illicit contraband into the Iranian sponsored terrorist enclave known as Gaza. Gaza is under a joint blockade by the Israeli and Egyptian governments because of its governments pesky habit of trying to kill Jews. The aforementioned terrorist wannabe's tried to run the blockade, and when they did and were boarded by the IDF, the peace activists on board went all 'LA Riots', and the rest, as they say, is history. Events like this are really good for one thing: exposing rabid Jew haters. And while we are on the subject of haters, we have to touch on the Claudia Schiffer controversy. Some crazy feminist woman who probably can't get a man because she is 'on' all the time got mad because Schiffer is hot, even in black face. Christ lady, as we are writing this, the DOW is at 9931. There other real shit to worry about other than the fact the white ladies afro is better than yours. As always, the nominations made picking a winner a tough choice.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Cadillac’s and Dinosaurs!



Did you see that shit, sucka? That dude was driving around in his cherry convertible while a fucking pterodactyl circles over his head. That dude has some big brass balls. But did you see what he did when he jumps into his car? He put the car into 'L'! Uhh, we don't know what the fuck 'L' is. We know 'R' is for reverse, and 'D' is for drive. Fuck, we had to look it up, and we were shocked to discover that it stands for 'Low', as in the transmission will only use one gear.

Do you know what that means? It means that this guy is not only driving around in a convertible while some hungry ass pterodactyl tries to pluck his eyes out of his goddamned skull, but he is only driving around at like 20 miles an hour. That pterodactyl can shit faster than that.

Anyways, the guy drives off and we are treated to a scene of a vengeful looking velociraptor. You're thinking 'oh shit boyee', right? But bam, this hotty in red (Go Flames) rolls outta the grass holding a fucking shotgun in her hand and bad intentions in her heart. The scene switches before you see the chick go all Rambo on that lizard.

What the fuck, it isn't over? Not by a long shot, apparently. This cat in the Cadillac is on some insane mission to get into this chicks pants. That's the only thing that can explain his insane drive through a field of triceratops. Nothing gets a girls panties wetter than the prospects of death by smashing.

Holy shit. The scene cuts to a night scene with a brontosaurus lifting its head in an obvious metaphor to our Cadillac driver getting some. You wouldn't believe what happens next. Cadillac driver, after a night of giving it to the kitty, goes out and wrestles a fucking tyrannosaurus rex. A fucking tyrannosaurus rex! And he didn't have to, because he had gotten into the gush the night before. Hard fucking core, Cadillac driver.

For being fucking awesome, Cadillac’s and Dinosaurs wins this week Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.
...

Uhh...Ilya or Spezza, Darryl? We won't say a word about you again. Thanks!

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for relaying the C&D intro. Hey DB, ur reader have eye's too. Why the fuck didnt R-Truth win it? not only is he the most talented/ entertaining wrestler in wwe, he has the best intro! And he's the new US champ!

    ReplyDelete
  2. your abilities to narrate an intro are outstanding!

    ReplyDelete