Friday, April 30, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means one thing: Sticky green burning sitting on twenty's, pocket full of money and we hollering at the honey's, yo.

Huh? What? Yeah, yeah, you're right, we guess. It is also that time again to present this week's winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC!)!

What a week. What a crazy, crazy week. Tax season ended, which is fucking awesome. Besides that, what else happened? Well, let's see, let's see. Looks like Greece went bankrupt. Ha! Socialism takes another 'L'. It's a serious issue, one that you can safely ignore, because, well, Greece hit its peak around 450 BC. If you're invested in European banks not named Barclays, one, you're an idiot, and two, it might be a good time to wind down the position. Unless, of course, you want to have money leak out of your bank account faster than oil out of a BP oil tanker. Speaking of which... What makes this funny, to us at least, is that a few years ago BP tried to position itself as some sort of green energy company. Remember 'Beyond Petroleum'? Too funny. We wonder when the hysterical mob of swollen uterus suffering pinko's blame Obama for this, the way Bush was blamed for Katrina. Was that another segue? It was. Apple freaked the fuck out when it found out one of its Iphone prototypes (by the way, If you rock an Iphone and you have a penis, Houston, we have a problem) was lost by one of its engineers. Instead of firing the engineer, they are suing the people who found it. Apples fascist. Finally, the story of the week. No segue, because no segue could do this story justice. 72 year old Grandma. 26 year old Grandson. Do you know where we are going with this? They are fucking. Eww gross. City of Edmonton skyline gross. We face a hard choice this week.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: The Hart Dynasty.

Fuck yeah, Hart Dynasty. Way to kick the shit outta Show-Miz on Monday, and win the unified WWE Tag Team Championship belts. Oh you didn't know? Your ass better call somebody.

Epic, epic matchup. The big guy in a speedo beat up the big guy in a...speedo. Yeah, awesome, we know. It started out with Big Show and his partner, some idiot named Miz aka Calgary Kid (we couldn't have been the only people who went to RAW when it came to town), talking all sorts of junk about Brett Hart. Brett Hart, former RTPIC winner, and Hitmen jersey wearing bad ass mofo, is not a man you talk junk about. Why? Because Brett has a murder crew watching his back, consisting of D.H. 'I'm Ripped' Smith and Tyson 'I Have The Worst Haircut In The World' Kid.  Oh yeah. They also got a manager:

Not bad. Anyways, like we said, huge fight. We are a little surprised at the Show-Miz team and their performance. Obviously, they were higher seeded than the Hart Dynasty. They got more shots on goal, spent more time in the Hart Dynasties zone, got more PP time (Ha! Peepee!) and all that. How did they lose? Did it have something to do with them trusting Mike '3 points' Green to watch the net? It is a team game, after all, so it is hard to point the finger at just one person. With that said, yes, it was the Calgary Kids fault.

For pulling one of the biggest upsets in WWE playoff history, the 8th seeded Hart Dynasty wins this week's Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Noooo! The team that plays hockey the way hockey should be played (read: offensive) got bounced in the first round. Fuck. Darryl better not have been paying attention, because we would hate to think that he may find some sort of solace for his terrible roster building in the fact that the Capitals lost.

The 'Trap' should be made illegal. Honestly, unless you have an All-Star team it is fucking terrible to watch, and if you want to know why the sport doesn't translate down south, boring people to death with defence first hockey may be a good place to start the investigation.

Hey, did you see how Cam was to small to perform in the playoffs? Can we please fire whoever made the decision to pay Joker over that cat? Oh, Darryl made that decision? Never mind. That dude is made of fucking teflon.

Roughnecks people. Go out and buy tickets. We went to the championship game last year, and let us tell you, it was pretty fun. We bought upper bowl tickets, and then moved down and sat in the front row, by the goalie, where we proceeded to talk mad amounts of shit for the entire game. That stuff is encouraged at their games. It's awesome. Music is a little loud and chachy-ish, but it is only a minor inconvenience, nowhere near as bad as the music at a Flames game (play some fucking country music). Also, they got 'domebeers available for purchase. Domebeers endorses mad consumption of 'domebeers. Try for 3 per quarter, and kids, remember what J Blow says: designated drivers are for the weak.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.