Friday, April 2, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It is Friday, and that means one thing: fuck it, I got nothing.

Huh? Yeah, you are right. It is also time for the presentation of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC!).

It was a bad, bad week, so the nominations are pretty somber. First, we had that little midget who runs the prison camp that is North Korea try to start a nuclear war by sinking a South Korean naval vessel with a torpedo. Kim, buddy, where did you find the time to start a war when you have all those little girls to rape, cognac to drink, and opium to smoke? Speaking of raping little children, we had the continued allegations that the Pope covered the asses of a bunch of german preists who had little kids ,uh, suck the cream out of their easter eggs. Yuck. To finish off such a sunny, sunny week, we had terrorists blow up a subway in the USSR. Terrible, terrible choices.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Flames fans.

Flames fan began life in 1980. Flames fans mom was a disgruntled Anglo from Quebec, who moved out west when the French started up with their whole 'ban the English language' racket. Flames fans dad was also an easterner, some say Ontario, some say the Maritimes, but either way, he was pissed off about the NEP. Fuck Trudeau. Did you know that communist hung out with Castro? It is fucked up, man.

When the Flames first came to the City of Calgary, they kicked ass and chewed bubble gum, which, in this city, is what they had to do. Because of the teams initial success, Flames fan was able to embrace the team and jump full bore onto the bandwagon. For the Flames first 11 seasons, they were able to make the playoffs, which was awesome, and so the fanbase grew. Flames fan was met with adversity in the form of the hated Oilers, and their star player, Andy Moog. Flames fan had plenty of questions about the team and it's abilities to get it done, but they were treated to the high of highs when the Flames won the Cup in 1989.

Flames fan was tested after this event, however. Following the Cup win, the Flames would make the playoffs in 6 of the next 7 years, but every time they did, they would lose in the first round. Flames fan was fucking pissed. Unfortunately for Flames fan, this would be looked on as the high water mark of the 90's, as for the following 7 years, the Flames would not make the playoffs. A 7 year drought, that is biblical, yo. Such a situation drastically tested Flames fan commitment and devotion to the team, ultimately resulting in Flames fan questioning whether or not home games were even worth going to. Flames fan didn't buy a jersey for years.

Flames fan was contemplating leaving the bandwagon for good when the 2003-2004 Great Fan Awakening happened. Flames fan went back to the Saddledome. Flames fan started cheering and emotionally investing in the team again. Flames fan bought a jersey. And Flames fan saw the bandwagon fill up again.

Unfortunately for Flames fan, the Stanley Cup winning goal scored by Martin Gelinas was kept quiet, so Garry Bettman could have a team from the American South win the Cup. Flames fan would again relive the 1990's, as the Flames would get bounced in the first round for the following 4 years. In the 2009-2010 season, a Flames team that had a world of promise lackluster effort would again test the mettle and patience of Flames fan. A 10 game losing streak saw the bandwagon utterly decimated.

Flames fan, 30 years old, would rally, as would the team. Willed on by Flames fan, who simply would not accept the excuses, the Flames would find a spark of hope, and get themselves back into the playoff race. Were they racing to another first round exit, or a spectacular Stanley Cup triumph down the Red Mile, only time would tell.

For sticking with the team (and for the timely pre puck drop 'Go Flames Go', which Flames fan should do every game if you ask us) Flames Fan wins this weeks Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.