Monday, April 5, 2010
Jarome's Summer Vacation
I don't know if it was me or what, but I did not think the Flames played with enough urgency, heart, whatever, yesterday afternoon in Chicago. The numbers say different, that they played decent, but that to me is another reason stats are often bunk. Mercifully, the game was also on WGN, so I did not have to sit through the mountain of audible shit that is a Sportsnet broadcast. One of the stats that the Americans had was this little gem: 7:23 into the second period, the Flames had registered just 2 shots on net. Just 2 shots, in a must win game.
Not happy to say the least. It isn't over, but it is over. Colorado basically has to lose all their remaining for us to have a chance. Not impossible, but I wouldn't bet the house, as the kids on Colorado don't seem to be ready for a vacation yet. Speaking of people on vacation, Jarome looks like he has his golf vacation booked and payed for, and dammit, he aignt going to lose that deposit on account of this loser team making the playoffs.
So Jarome, where you going?
The Phoenician Resort
This little gem in the desert features a championship quality 27 holes, a bar on the golf course, and most importantly, offers private lessons. And judging by Jarome's inability to put a puck into the net, he is going to need all the help he can get when it comes to putting that ball in the hole. Also, it has a river, and we all know how Jarome likes to get liquored up and go swimming.
West Chase Golf Club
Minutes from the airport, which is important when you gotta get away from those pesky reporters who keep asking you 'Ay yo, why don't you score anymore?', this Tampa treasure is a world renowned golfing pleasure. They are going to be playing the Masters Pro Am Tournament at this course this year, which means it is 'swanky digs'. The tourney starts April 10th, and although I didn't see Jarome's name on the participants list, I gotta believe he is on it. What else explains his efforts to tank this team (he last scored on March 19th, as in 17 days ago)?
The National Golf Club Of Canada
I would bet my last hockey puck Jarome is hitting this place up first. After all, the dude just loves playing for the country. Excels at it, really. You tell Jarome he is playing for a team that he doesn't draw a paycheque from, and you watch that handicap just drop. Fuck, have you seen his international resume? The handicap probably just disappears altogether. Well, as long as Sid the Kid can be his caddy. Stajan and Langkow are just not first line caddy material.
This one is in Calgary, it is a local course. Jarome has scored 15 goals at home this year, so it is 50/50 as to whether he shows up. Also, because it is local, Jarome can take the other big money bust, J-Blow, out golfing with him and they won't have to worry about driving home.
Looks like a pretty solid trip you got planned, Jarome. The fans can go fuck themselves, you got golfing to get to. I understand, believe me. Allow me to steal a line from lighterside: Golf, Flames, Golf!
Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.