Friday, March 19, 2010

Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award

It's Friday, and that means one thing: Time to hide out in the woman's locker room at the Talisman Centre!

Oh yeah. It's also time to award the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award (the RTPIC!)

Mucho difficult decision this week: We had Jesse James cheat on his wife with a nazi whore, which was interesting. Why is this a RTPIC consideration worthy act? Because it makes Bullock available, duh. Call me, girl. Speaking of nazi whores, David Ahenakew died. I bet it was those pesky Jews. Kinda morbid this week, Domebeers, what with the nominations of a relationship killed via racist, and the death of a racist. Any feel good nominations? Certianly. One Timothy Richard "Tim" Tebow, future President Of The United States of America, brought a tear to this capitalists heart with his charging of $75 dollars per autograph at one of his recent appearances. Dude probably made 300 grand in less than hour. Respect. So many good nominations, it was very hard to pick. You know, kinda like this guy's nose.

This weeks winner of the Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award: Richard Sterban of the Oakridge Boys

Richard is the guy with the bass going 'Ba Ba Ba Ba'. Bad fucking ass.

Richard Sterban began life in pre-Hotepsekhemwy Egypt. He was born into a family of priests to Horus, which allowed him the opportunity to start turning out ancient Egypt's music halls with such hits as 'It's Going To Take A Lot Of Nile' and 'Leaving Memphis In The Broad Daylight'. Unfortunately for him, he was also turning out the Pharoahs daughter. When the God King found out, Richard had only one option open to him. He allied with Scorpion King, Dwayne 'Go Stamps' Johnson. The Rock created a diversion, and Sterban was able to leave Egypt with his life. Moses was able to leave Egypt with his life, his people, and the Pharoahs gold, but who's comparing?

After leaving Egypt, Sterban began a long journey east. To what location Sterban was heading towards, only time (and your humble narrator) would tell. But on his epic quest, Sterban began to make love to many, many women. In fact, he did so much fucking that black, white, yellow, red, purple, or Texan, if you have a deep voice, some Sterban sperm was no doubt involved. It's very much like Muslim pirates and the Sicilians. Some of Sterbans notables are Mr. James Earl Jones, Mr. Tennessee Ernie Ford, and Mr. Shirley Bassey.

After travelling for quite some time, Richard Sterban would find himself in Calgary. Hearing a pre pubescent sounding announcer calling the games, and being physically unable to put up with such a travesty, Mr. Sterban would go all Mr. Kesuke Miyagi on the poor Beesley, and before long, the Calgary Flames had a man with a real voice to get all 'JJJJJJJJAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME IGINLA' with it. Such epic announcing would fuel the fire of the Flames for over 2 decades.

For bringing world class goal announcing to the Dome, Richard Sterban wins this week's Roman Turek Profile In Courage Award.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


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