Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The One On Jay Blow

Jay-Blow Sucks. 73 games, 2 goals, 24 assists. For 6.680 million dollars in cap space. Yum.

We don't really do advanced stats here at Domebeers, and that is because we haven't decided which ones we like. Also, we don't know what half of them mean. A popular one with the Domesphere seems to be the Corsi stat. I found a couple of takes on the stat, one that says it isn't great, and one that says it is. What is important is this, if you buy in: Jay Blow sucked ass last year, and I don't think it was Florida.

That was last year, what about this year? Well, at behindthenet they got more advanced stats then you can shake a stick at. Glancing over to the Flames, and more specifically, the defence, we see that, well, J Blow still sucks. Also, hockeystats seems to think he sucks as well. It does not appear that advanced stats are your friend, J Blow. Which isn't good for him, because the caveman stats of 2 goals and 24 assists at 6.680 million in cap space say that he really, really fucking sucks.

I mean, sure, I can accept that Ian White is a better defenceman than I am, as I don't play in the NHL. I can't accept that Ian White is a better defenceman then a 3rd overall draft pick, who has been paid damn near 35 million dollars to come here and be the hero. That would be you, J Blow. At least you aren't as pugly as Ian White. Small miracles.

Let us get a little more specific. J Blow doesn't suck in a vacuum. He sucks because of one thing: 6.680 million dollars in cap space. If he made 1 million dollars, it would be hard to sit here and say the guy is a dog and thief, because at that cap hit, he wouldn't be. But at 6.680, his numbers aren't nearly where they should be, which means cap dollars are being wasted on him. I am not against wasting cap space if your name is Jarome Iginla. I have a huge problem with wasting cap space if your name is J Blow, and you have no equity with the fan base, and you were brought in to be 'The Man' and you have so far shown to be 'The Skirt Wearing Loser'.

Hey, I got an idea! Let's look at his peers, and see where he ranks. For this little experiment, I am saying J Blows peers are people who make within 1 million dollars of his 6.680 million dollar annual cap hit. Numbers are from NHL.COM and BEHINDTHENET. This is what the damage looks like:

Well now. That isn't very flattering to J Blow. Below average in everything but the salary department. Really, what more can you say? The numbers tell the story that we all see every night: J Blow makes too much money for the value he produces. Colour me shocked that Darryl Sutter overpaid on a player. The one thing that I think you can take away from this as a positive is that J Blow is one of the younger cats on the list. Salivate over the potential I guess. Oh yeah, to be fair, J Blow can also eat minutes. Let us hope he doesn't turn into Barry Zito.

Stats are good, and stats are nice, but poor stats aren't the only reasons to hate on J Blow. There are plenty of visceral reasons! Let's get to some of them:

J Blow, why don't you ever hit anybody? You know your 6'4, 212 right? Your a bigger hombre than Reggie, and I'd bet my last dollar you wouldn't make it out of the first round if you had to fight him. You don't have the killer instinct that a Pronger or even a Chara has, which makes you look like a complete bitch, no offense. On that same line, why haven't you fought anybody yet? Most of the time when a new player comes to the Flames, one of the first things they do is fight somebody. Last night, what was the first things Darryls kid did, J Blow? And little Sutter is not 6'4, 212. People say Vandermeer sucked, but at least the dude played with some passion and would drop the gloves.

Speaking of passion, J Blow, where is yours? You play like a guy who is trying to not get yelled at by the coach, not a player who wants to help his teammates win hockey games. Seriously, J Blow, I have never seen anyone with your skating ability play the game of hockey so safe. You can skate you fucking jackass, take some risks. Enter the zone, press in from the point, do what Boyle used to and Doughty does now. Honestly, this is what pisses me off the most about you, J Blow. You have the talent to play in the offensive zone like a Niedermayer or a Boyle or a Doughty or a Campbell, and those players are little skin and bone midgets compared to you. You could be one of the baddest men on an ice rink, and you choose not to be. I don't fucking get it.

Other shit I don't get? Why the hell the Flames went out and traded for your butt buddy, Steven Staios. I mean, we are paying your ass 6.680 million a year in average salary, J Blow, and we had to go out and get a 3 million dollar defenceman so you could have someone to play with? Are you fucking kidding me? People can blame Darryl all they want over that acquisition, and the buck does stop with the GM, but we all know who lobbied for that garbage trade, J Blow.

While we are on the topic of garbage, J Blow, let us get to your interviews. We (the collective that makes up Domebeers) knew Dion was faking his 'I am a retard' style because we saw him down at the bars and could see the kid had personality. He just didn't want to talk to the media. With you, J Blow, who can be so sure? You come off as a loser, which means we haven't seen you around the bars. Your girlfriend doesn't let you out, J Blow? Fuck man, do you even own a cool car? I bet you drive around in a minivan. Anyways, you come off as the kid who is looking up at his mom for permission to speak. Which would make sense, I suppose: You play sans testicles because you don't have any balls.

Can you even grow a beard, J Blow?

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.


  1. Plus he kind of looks like Beaker from the muppets. True story.

  2. So how much is Darryl gonna pay Ian White then?

  3. Nice site you boys have here. I like it a lot.

    Maybe Flames management should have looked around the web for some perspective. I wrote this little gem last guys will probably appreciate it more now.

  4. J Blows a great skater, but real men do quads!