I had forgotten how appallingly shit awful Peter Loubardias and Charlie Simmer are to listen to. They need to fucking get fired and go away. Having these two purveyors of pococurantism calling games makes us look like a Mickey Mouse franchise. It needs to be fixed.
Peter Loubardias is a full time junior guy who calls Flames games as a hobby. Sportsnet couldn't justify paying a guy full time money to call the Memorial Cup, so they stuck him with our franchise. He was the Oiler guy, but because the people who run Sportsnet are in love with and primarily watch Oilers games, they decided they didn't want this boring little turd fucking up their broadcasts of the games, so they moved him over to the Flames broadcast. Fuck you Sportsnet.
Charlie Simmers claim to fame is he was once married to Playboy bunny Terri Welles. For reals. This guy got his start in the business calling games for the Mighty Ducks in their first year, and then went on to call games for the Phoenix Coyotes. Let me read between the lines for you: Charlie Simmer was hired by franchises in markets where the fans needed someone who could dumb down the game enough for hockey neophytes. How the fuck did he end up here? Who knows, he probably works cheap, which seems to be one of the most important things you can put on your resume when trying to get a job at Sportsnet. The only thing Simmer has going for him is he has the best hair on TV, no homo.
Seriously, these two guys suck. They make the Flames look bad, and Sportsnet look worse, for employing these people. Domebeers isn't here to just hate, however. We also have suggestions.
Option #1: Radio broadcast.
To me, this is the best option. Simply sync the TV broadcast with the radio broadcast. Do I really need to explain this one further?
Play By Play: Mike Emrick
Colour: Terry Crisp
3rd Man: Theoren Fleury
This would be a great booth, in my opinion. Emrick is about as solid a play-by-play guy as they come, although who knows if he would leave NJ to come call shitty games over here. You could potentially replace Emrick with anyone with a deep voice, and I would be happy with that. Hell, I would take Jamie Campbell over Loubardias. Terry Crisp is doing the colour for obvious reasons: He is fucking good at doing colour. Oh, yeah, he also coached us to a Stanley Cup, not that that counts for anything, and by that I mean it's really fucking stupid he isn't doing the colour for us already. Nashville? Child, please. Pay the man and get his ass up here. 3rd man? I am normally not a fan of the 3 man booth, but in this case, it just makes to much sense not to do it. Theo probably needs a job, and he obviously wants to be involved in hockey, and probably with the Flames. Kenneth King is supposedly this marketing genius, but he hasn't come up with this idea. Steal it, Kenny, I won't care. Go ahead, Domebeer-aholics, tell Mr. King that he should pull the Flames off Sportsnet if they don't improve the booth.
So I am in Toronto, at this family function thing and I get stuck at the 'cousin' table full of weirdo Toronto people. Hurray! Some of the tidbits I picked up:
From the typical Toronto fan:
Dion Phanuef is the greatest hockey player of all time. Do you know he hits, fights, and scores? I didn't either, but I guess that's because I actually watch hockey. Whatever. I was also sitting next to a CA, you know, someone who is paid for his analysis, and his take on Dion was he was Paul Coffey without brains or talent. Huzzah!
Boys played well enough last night that I think they deserved a better fate. It would be nice to see them play 60 minutes instead of 40, but at this point, I'm just happy they didn't quit after the first.
Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.