Monday, March 1, 2010

Fun With Cory Sarich!

Domebeers, in case you hadn't noticed, is a fan of the Flames, but not necessarily the players on the Flames. We are 'front-of-the-sweater' people here. Players have to earn the love of Domebeers, it isn't freely given out when a player puts on the uniform. The traditional way to build goodwill with Domebeers, the Domebeer-aholics, and the Flames fandom in general, was to do something epic. Something, I don't know, like this:

Neat segue, huh? Yet, even after a hit like that, in a playoff game, no less, Sarich remains one of the least popular players on the Flames roster. His level of suck is just that high. Really, think about that for a minute. An epic playoff moment, delivered at a time when people were questioning the players toughness (Domebeers wasn't even around back then), did nothing to ingratiate Sarich with the fans, because Sarich operates at a 'Red Light District' level of suck (BJ joke!).

The stats don't really paint the picture of this guy, because he is the prototypical one way shut down defenceman. Domebeers honest opinion of the cat is that he is an ok player, and when you have an ok player as your 6 or 7th defenceman, that aignt bad. Domebeers would also like to point out that we are paying $18 million dollars over 5 years for that (does that contract sound familiar to anybody?). Most teams pay less than one million for their backend defencemen.

That's the rub then, when we get to brass tax. Corey Sarich sucks because he makes too much money. If Sarich made less money, his level of suck would be tolerable. He is also old, with 2 more years left on his deal, not counting this season, at a cap hit of 3.6 million. In the words of Brigadier General McAuliffe: Nuts!

Domebeers isnt writing this to hate. We dont hate at Domebeers, we obfuscate. We also try to help. With that said, Domebeers offers these humble suggestions:

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sarich (musical reference!):

- Sarich is 6'4, 204 pounds. He would make an excellent paper weight.
- At that size, he would also make a great coat hanger.
- Sarich isn't very fast. He could race Dale Earnhardt JR (and probably win).
-  Sarich is pretty ugly. He could use some cosmetic surgery.
- Sarich could be lent to the La Brea Tar Pits, you know, to hang with the other dinosaurs.
- Sarich can try to swallow his own tongue. That would help the cap situation.
- Send him swimming with Tillikum the Whale.
- Send him to BALCO.
- Set him up with the Olsen twins
- Send him luging.
- GM Sutter caused this mess, he can act as Sarichs kaishakunin.
- Oh yeah, we could trade him for a bag of pucks. 

That's just a short list of some of the potential solutions to this scabies like problem. Feel free to add any I may have missed.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.