Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Brutal Assault On Lame, FJM Style!

While I was embracing my inner narcissist and googling Domebeers, I came across what could be called Domebeers first hater. I've arrived. Now that I got my first hater, I can start working on the second.
While I dont want to get into the habit of crawling down into the shit with the haters, this particular time I'll oblige. With that said, let's get right to business. What you are about to read is my take on the haters stupid inanery, FJM style. Original story is in italics, while my response is normal.
...

You may recall my rational hatred of Domebeers.com on last week’s Fun Time Friday.

Dr. Gaylin, who literally wrote the book on hatred, defines it as thus: a psychological disorder--a form of quasi-delusional thinking. Quasi-delusional, that means rational, right?

Lack of research, etc.

I believe he is getting his uterus all swollen over this post. Why didn’t he get the joke? Oh I don’t know, a lack of brains, ect.

Well, my opinion hasn’t gotten better.

And by reading your blog, your writing hasn’t gotten better. Neither has your grammar.

He has since added a tonne (this is fun!) of provacatively dressed lady photos.

That’s one big fat (SIC) on his attempt to spell ‘provacatively’ (which is spelt ‘provocatively’). Hey, loser, how about mixing in a spell check?

I’m not going to get into some moralistic debate about such things as skimpy clothing, porn, and so on, because that’s not the point here.

I was actually taken by surprise by that line. Who knew there was a point to this guys rambling? Well, other than to bore the audience to death. Is it to provide Domebeers.com with free advertising? Is it to provide Domebeers.com with a stalker?

What I do want to say is that if he ever wants anyone to read him seriously, he needs to drop those pictures. Why? It’s goddamn unprofessional.

I can picture some old turd with a pipe in a rocking chair, pontificating on what ‘serious’ is. Back in my day... and so on, while everyone ignores him. Its a sad picture of abject loneliness. Also, did you know this clown was the arbiter of what is ‘serious’ and what is not? He got that job by inserting a stick firmly up his ass (nobody said it was an easy job to get).

I’m sure you, dear reader, noticed the ‘goddamn unprofessional’ which, besides being grammatically incorrect (its goddamned, get a fucking dictionary), is also a really lame attempt at dichotomy highlighting humour. But then again, lame and 4th line seem to roll together.

I’m a sailor. I swear like a sailor, drink like a sailor, live like a sailor.

Do you think he has STD’s like a sailor? I tried to shy away from the obvious ‘suck dick like a sailor’ gay joke he walked right into.

But I don’t bring it here, because I want to be taken vaguely seriously.

Hmmm. If I was you, and I wanted to have 4th line taken seriously, I’d get a better writer.

I don’t want someone clicking to my blog, enjoying an article, and then having to close it because it’s not appropriate for their kids running around or boss walking by. Jesus, be a friggin’ professional.

Well, if someone were to read his blog, he wouldn’t have to worry about people enjoying it. ZING! The definition of 'professional': a person who earns a living in a sport or other occupation frequently engaged in by amateurs. Here’s a secret, kiddies: Domebeers is free! If I wanted to be a writer, then he may have a point about the girls (although Maxim, FHM, Playboy, ect. wouldn’t agree) but, unlike this tool, I’d like to make more than the minimum wage.

My hatred for this jerk and his blog goes on to blog ettiquette.

That is another big fat (SIC) on his attempt to spell ‘ettiquette’ (etiquette). Seriously, I love how a guy who is too dumb to use a spell check is calling my blog out for being unprofessional. Maybe he thinks his audience (I know right, you don’t think he has an audience either) is too stupid to pick up on it. To correct this problem, I’d suggest that he insert the aforementioned stick 3 more inches up his ass. If he became even more anal retentive, he’d probably catch those mistakes.

One: if you whore yourself out to get readers on other blogs (as he did), link back to those same damn blogs.

I wasn’t aware that this little ninnies kids or boss had given him permission to use the word ‘whore’. Friggin’ unprofessional!

Hit The Post, one of my favorite reads was kind enough to put him on the blogroll. Does he return the favor? Certainly not.

Watch your ass, HTP, I think a really PC, lonely, old, unfunny nerd who has yet to figure out that ‘Word’ comes with a spell check wants your ass.

Same with Flames Nation and Join The Rush. In fact, his only actions at those esteemed establishments is whoring himself out.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this guy is obsessed with whores. Also, he hates puppies.

He has no interest in engaging in conversation there.

I wasn’t aware one could engage in conversation over the internet (one can certainly engage in debate), sans VOIP. Can’t you just picture this crotchety old guy yelling at his computer screen “Steinberg, why won’t you talk to me?” And when Pat doesn’t reply, he just starts yelling louder!

Goddamn rude is what that is. It says “I just want to talk and don’t care what anyone else says.”


Stop murdering the English language for Christ’s sake! Goddamned rude, not God Damn Rude. Fucking cheesedick!

There’s nothing wrong with whoring yourself out as a blog. Everyone gets started somehow.

Speaking of whoring Domebeers.com: DOMEBEERS.COM DOMEBEERS.COM DOMEBEERS.COM!!!

But how you whore yourself out and how you treat your pimp makes a difference.


I’m lost, I’ll admit. Is Domebeers the whore or the pimp? Does this guy want to fuck Domebeers and is mad his pimp won’t let him? Is he angry his pimp hits him? I’d get a nicer pimp, myself.

Be polite. Thankful. And so on.


Thankful isn’t a sentence, you fucking asshat. I just thought I’d point that out, in the name of being polite. And so on.

Furthermore, I think Peter Loubardias should be fired.

4 comments:

  1. Let the hate build in side of you my young apprentice . . .

    ReplyDelete
  2. "inside" not "in side". ironic that I can't do anything right on a post that largely makes fun of other people's inability to spell.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Owelee jerrks kriteek hwow uther peapol spel onn thee inter-net

    ReplyDelete
  4. This post is really funny. Good work Domebeers.com.

    ReplyDelete